Tonight, I told Ira Glass that I have a dog. It may have been the shortest interview that he ever conducted, but I feel that my entire life has been validated. This happened; I may now die without regret.
Ira: Okay, you: you get the last question.
Me: I just want to know how Piney is doing.
Ira: Piney??? (There was no recollection on his face… I thought I got the name wrong.)
Me: Your dog?
Ira: I know who Piney is. I assume you are asking because you have a dog?
Ira: What kind?
Me: Yorkshire terrier.
Ira: Has he ever bitten anyone?
Me: Yes (are we seriously still talking?! Or is this like that time I dreamt I was friends with Tom Hanks’ mom?)
Ira: But he’s small so it isn’t a big deal…?
Me: Yes, that’s true.
Ira: Well… (turns to the audience) Just to explain, I have a pitbull… (Proceeds to re-cap entire episode from the dog’s emotional issues down to the search for kangaroo meat in NYC, then turns back to me.) But anyway, yes: Piney is fine.