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The Other First Thanksgiving
The year 1863 was a rough one in the United States. On January 1st, the new year began with Lincoln signing the Emancipation Proclamation, stating, “I never in my life, felt more certain that I was doing right, than I do in signing this paper.” Let’s not give him too much credit though; this was a calculated military decision, not a humanitarian one. The civil war was in its third year and far from over. As such the proclamation was not enforceable in the rebellious South. Lincoln hoped that emancipation would inspire a mass revolt and exodus of Southern slaves to the North, bulking up the Union army and sapping…
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Bumkin
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COVID Academy
Me, teaching the third grade: Ethan (pointing to a problem in a math book): Rachel, do you know how to do three digit subtraction with the regrouping strategy? Rachel: I sure do! Here…. lemme find.. oh got it. This little machine is called a calculator. Punch in the numbers and… 152. That’s the answer. Here, you can keep it. I have one on my phone. Let me know if you need anything else!
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2020 is a Shitstorm
The last couple of weeks went to hell in an old frayed tote bag from a long forgotten telethon for PBS. Last week, especially, was completely unproductive. There has been a lot of focus on the fires in the West, and the stories are terrible and horrifying. I just wonder if it were a slower news week, maybe the fact that there was a small hurricane in Utah might have received SOME attention. But no. Utah is the U.S.’s weird cousin state that everyone pretends not to know at school (or anywhere in public outside of Thanksgiving, for that matter… but even then you have to sneak into the dining…
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When You Get a Divorce…
But the rest of the sticker still applies!
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I Aim to Pees
So… this happened. A few weeks ago, Matt and I were watching a movie and I was drinking a la croix which gave me the hiccups. When I couldn’t get it to stop by holding my breath I went upstairs to drink from the faucet with a spoon in my mouth against my cheek because Matt SWEARS by this technique. No dice. I decided to take Murphy out for some yard time while I waited for it to stop. We were out there for a few minutes when I had one of those pee attacks where it’s now or never. I knew I wouldn’t make it back to the house…
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Happy Anniversary
100 years ago today, on August 18, 1920, women gained the right to vote here in America. In 1924, Native Americans were granted citizenship and the right to vote, and in 943, Chinese immigrants/citizens were given the right to vote. The final change that would guarantee all men and women of this country their right to vote wouldn’t come until 1965, which prohibited racial discrimination in voting. My grandmother was born in 1909. When she was eleven she would not have been allowed to vote, but by the time she graduated with her master’s degree, she could. The suffragettes fought for over 80 years to get the Nineteenth Amendment. It…
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Space XXX
At least once a day, everyday, this happens: I see Murphy’s rocket shaped tooth brush somewhere in the house… wherever he left it last. Then, I register [yet again] just how much it looks like a dildo. Then, for anywhere between fifteen minutes and an hour, I hear Frank Sinatra singing “Fly Me to the Moon” in my head. I am not sure this is sustainable.
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Heavy Shit
Trigger Warning: this post deals with domestic violence and horrendous human shittiness. (Also, it is not funny.) Something happened two months ago, and I’ve been struggling to write ever since. I’ve been struggling to do anything, to be honest. But I’ve been creatively stuck and I’ve been looking for lighthearted things I can write about to make people laugh, which is my clearest goal here. It would seem that I can’t. I can’t think about other things yet, so I’m going to write about the terrible thing here and remove it from my soul, like a fatty blockage in my heart. It’s rough but here we go. We have to…
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In Relation to Service
In 1846, a man named Green Flake was “loaned” by his masters to Brigham Young, to serve as his wagon driver on the Mormon pioneers’ arduous trek across the Great Plains and through the Rocky Mountains. Brigham Young was then the leader of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and soon to become the first governor of the territory of Utah. In July of 1847, as they neared the Salt Lake Valley, Green Flake (who was one of three black slaves in the first company of pioneers; all of whom were members of the church) and one other man were sent ahead to scout a trail through…
