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Weekend in Zion
At The Desert Pearl Hotel in Springdale, Utah Ethan (age 5): The sink in our room is so short! I had to bend over to use it!!! Me: What sink? What are you talking about? Ethan: The one in the bathroom. Me: Right next to the toilet? Ethan: Yeah! Me: That is not a sink. It’s a bidet. Ethan: What’s that? (Pause) Matt: It’s European. Me: Only it’s for when you’re-a-poopin’. Ethan: WHAT? Matt: It’s a sink for your bum. Ethan: 😐 End scene. (Photo: Zion National Park – Mt. Carmel Highway Scenic Drive)
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Rhyme Scheming
I like to think of myself as a reader. Not so much that I’m “well read.” I’ve read some classics and a lot of nonfiction in the last few years. I have also read some highly entertaining novels that few would list as “literature.” I’m rambling… My point is that I like to think of myself as someone who reads a lot of different genres and forms. But I have a dirty little secret. I hate poetry. Maybe you are thinking that isn’t so uncommon. A lot of people dislike poetry. I, however, have discovered I have a completely irrational hatred of poetry that I do not completely understand. I…
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The Introvert at the Party; an exploration in Haiku
Introverted girl at a social gathering trying not to cling Releasing Matt’s arm I take a deep breath and wander deeper in the house Determined to learn from the mistakes of my past: don’t drink all the wine! What is the most time I can hide in the toilet before eyebrows raise? Do I look social crossing the room with purpose looking for “someone”? Hovering over the table of finger foods not sure what to do It’s called ‘finger food’ but do I use a napkin? What’s the proper way? And then what happens? If I put it in my mouth I will get a question From someone or other.…
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Sisters in Seattle
I went to Seattle for a few days to visit my sister Andrea and meet my brand new nephew who arrived too soon – at just 25 weeks – over the New Year’s weekend. I flew up to help out while her hubby was traveling for work. Mostly I went to give my five year old nephew some attention. Also I talked Andrea’s ear off. (I really need to call her more.) I also cooked a little. I loaded the dishwasher once. I barely helped at all, truth be told. I always think I’ll be more helpful when I’m projecting the future in my mind then when I get into…
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Transitions
My writing group was discussing a piece submitted by our youngest member, a very bright and passionate millennial girl. Young woman? It was mostly great but I told her that I was having a hard time keeping her characters straight and maybe she could give them names? “There’s just the one guy,” she said. “Really? Oh I thought there were two. You are talking to your ex in the first scene but then a few pages later you wake up next to this guy and there’s no transition…” “Yeah it’s the same guy. It’s just one guy.” “Okay, well I was confused. Maybe I’m the only one…” I looked at…
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Cohabitation
I started this blog after a breakup – a really bad one – with the idea that I was done with relationships. I decided that I was tired of comparing myself to my ex-husband (married with two kids, while I was still single and lonely). I decided I was done waiting for a guy to come along and stay in my life. I was going to take myself to a sperm bank for my next birthday. I was going to write about this process as it went along, as I made lemonade out of my sour relationship lemons. I didn’t get far. I went to my doctor and told her…
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Heavy Heavy Hangover
Heavy Heavy Hangover “What do you want for your birthday?” a friend asked. “Oh, I don’t deserve a present. Just give me a lump of coal in a brown paper sack. That will make it easier for you to hit me in the head with it.” My friend gave me a blank stare which he accented with thoughtful blinking. Finally he asked, “What the hell are you talking about?” “You know. That game you play when you’re a kid? ‘Heavy heavy hangover… thy poor head…’?” More blank staring and thoughtful blinking. So I explained the game. The birthday boy or girl would have to sit in a chair and everyone…
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Nervous Tick
In the summer of 1999, Jules and Demetria and I were on a long road trip through the Louisiana and Texas. I had never been to the South before and I found it quite mysterious. I had never experienced humidity before, for one thing. And the bugs down there are mind-blowing. I remember being astonished by the number and size of the bugs I saw, but mostly I was amazed by the sound. We have crickets in Utah and they sing quietly on warm nights. The crickets they have in the South are something else, entirely. I honestly don’t know how anyone in Texas gets a good night’s sleep in…
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Double Sided
I spent the summer of 2001 working (unpaid) for a small artists’ venture called St. Jayne’s Theatre Company. The company was founded by a girl I knew from college, who I would have described as a “frenemy” if we had that word back then. She was passionate and driven and was dying to produce good theatre. But she could also be vain, obstinate, and a bit of a drama queen. I was concerned when she asked me to be on her board of directors because I didn’t trust her leadership and I was worried the project would end badly. I also wanted to be making theatre and there were a…
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Health Bars
Maybe it’s just a trait of my generation, but I constantly find myself eating things in bar form. Breakfast bars. Snack bars. Bars to save time. Bars to burn calories. Walk your dog, do long division, do yoga and eat a bar – all at the same time! Bars that taste like brownies. Bars that taste like fruit. Bars that taste a bit like sidewalk – but promise to give you rock hard abs (neglecting to disclose, of course, that they achieve this effect by becoming a rock physically lodged in your abdomen). I’m eating one right now. It promises me that it will make me happy and thin. It…